Am I supposed to hate my kids? I don't, and here's why..

So, The Loud One had fall break this week. Yay! Kitty and I missed him...we were excited. We colored, played games, took naps, watched our favorite shows (Martha Speaks, Word Girl, Ruff with Ruff Ruffman, etc obviously, we love PBS) played spray hunt (kinda like Hide N Seek/Tag with spray bottles), and went shopping at Publix during sample time (our favorite time of day). Friday was Grandparent's Day Lunch and they could be signed out early by said Grandparent. He said he wanted to stay to go to PE for his 'activity' but if I know my kid, he'll change his mind, and he did. Early day!!! We took and nap and then he didn't want to go to Parent's Night Out, a movie night at the school....what a sweet boy.

In the week leading up to Fall Break, several parents I've talked with, didn't seem happy about the break. Stay at home Moms, single Moms, working Moms, PTSO Moms....they all were like, "So, Fall Break, how great, right?" I answered everyone in the same way, "Yeah, we're excited!" And they looked at me like I was crazy. Was I supposed to act like it was a huge burden to have my baby home for a whole week? Is it an unwritten code that I have to pretend to hate having him home? Now that he's in school, I'm supposed to be annoyed that he is home? I call Bullshit. In the age of Helicopter parents, why do we act like we hate having them around? I have no idea, but here is why I love hanging out with The Loud One and Kitty:

1) I love them more than anything. Period.
2) They are hilarious...Kitty walking out with undies around her ankles because there was no TP in my bathroom; The Loud One laughing at 'America's Funniest Home Videos' until juice comes out his nose.
3) They are the sweetest, Kitty said she missed her Great-Grandma, and The Loud One said she could always see her in her heart, because she's there with God and Jesus.
4) Soooo smart. The Loud One can find the Atlantic and Specific Oceans on a globe and Kitty knows Austrailia. The Loud One wants a shark dictionary from his book fair. We read a lot of reference books.
5) We love to sing and dance. I do not have an ear for music, I'm tone def and do not understand how to read music, I don't get it (just ask Amanda Avery Cooper). But they don't care, we sing about cleaning the bathroom or sing stories or dance to Sean Kingston's 'Fire Burning.' Kitchen dancing rocks.

I'm a huge sap. I don't try to hide it, I do my best to enjoy every moment I have with them....I know that soon enough they won't want to cook dinner or clean the mirror or dance or crawl into bed with me. They will grow up one day, and I just hope they know I loved every minute...even the school breaks.

The Magic School Bus

We've been waiting for this for 3 years...riding the school bus!!!! Now The Loud One gets to ride one. Like a good Mommy, I've been secretly nursing a heartache while being so excited about school.

You see, The Loud One gets homesick and although he loves to stay with cousin Sir-Breaks-A-Lot, he sometimes gets sad and wants to come home. We tried preschool when he was 3 and he went 3 days a week for 6 weeks, he cried everyday at drop off and pick up. I couldn't even take him, I made Daddy do it. It never got any better, so we took him out and he was ecstatic.

Fast forward 2 years and he still gets homesick, but he's excited about school. He's a sweet, sensitive boy and I don't want anyone to hurt his feelings, EVER. I want to be there to show everyone how great he is and help him and make friends. I want to help get him settled and make sure he listens and can open his Go-gurt. You see, I'm a helicopter parent on the inside, but try to keep it under wraps. I love him, but I know he needs to be his own person, and I think that's why he's so awesome. And he wants to ride the bus. Please, don't let him cry, don't let him see me cry, this is my daily mantra.

The first day of school sneaks up on me and The Loud One couldn't be happier! I got teary eyed when I watched him button his own shorts. He looked and me and asked, "What?!" I totally understand why our parents continue to treat us like children, it's hard to imagine they can be self sufficient. One minute they need you to put on their shoes and the next they're about to get on a giant school bus alone. We got to the bus stop super early and we met some new friends. So far, so good. Then the bus came...please don't let him cry, please don't cry yet, wait until the bus leaves...he ran for his backpack and straight for the bus!! No hug, no good-bye and he didn't even look back.

My little boy had the confidence of a big kid. All my fears disappeared. Oh, I still cried. I gave Kitty a piggy back ride and walked slightly in front of Daddy so they didn't see and I cried the entire .2 miles home. I cried because I missed him, I missed the baby and I was proud of the big boy he was.

After waiting impatiently for hours for the bus to get back, he got off and looked mad. Uh-oh. Please don't let him cry, please don't let me cry...

"How was you day?!" we all asked excitedly
"Well, it wasn't very exciting."
"Why not?"
"I just wish I could go back."
"You can tomorrow, Bubba-loo."
"Oh!" he said excitedly, "I just thought it was for today!"

He wants to go back! I've done my job, I just wish it would all slow down. I still have Kitty, but she's potty trained and going on 13. I no longer have babies...oh, wait, they're fighting over who gets to drive the pretend train made of books. I still have time.

I'm gonna slug you!

I love TV. Seriously. My DVR subscription and I have been together since December of 2004 and we are still blissfully in love. (Except that Charter's service pales in comparison to Cox, but I still love it). I know I'm supposed to keep my kids away from the evilness that is TV, kids that watch TV are obese, have brain rot, have developmental delays, social delays, aren't very smart, have short attention spans, I could go on. I grew up watching TV and playing outside. So do my kids. I am not a Mom that declares TV off limits, and sometimes, they probably watch too much TV. But I'm not a hypocrite. I know lots of Moms that say their kids only watch TV for an hour or so a day. Then how in the world do they know every character on Nick Jr, Noggin or Cartoon Network? (Side note, I've known kids that couldn't watch TV or eat sugar or play like kids and they were odd deprived kids) Be the best Mom you can be, but be real. Sometimes I forget to brush the kid's teeth, they drink too much juice and probably eat too much candy, we talk about ghosts and shoot each other and fall down dead, they play in the mud and splash in puddles in the rain, we jump off the couch onto pillow piles, and I let my kids play in the backyard by themselves (I do hover near the window). Gasp! How terrible am I? We also eat lots of fruits, veggies and milk, floss our teeth, play school and do workbooks (Gracie too), watch documentaries, go to the park, ride bikes, talk about heaven and God and Jesus and death, if any of that makes me a bad Mom, then so be it, but my kids are awesome! (As I type this, The Loud One comes in to ask if they can have some almonds for a snack) Now that I'm off my soapbox...

It didn't really occur to me that cartoons were violent, I mean I watched them as a kid, but I didn't get that takeaway so I assumed Bugs Bunny, The Peanuts and Pink Panther were fine. Much better than the grossness of ones I see today like Chowder or even Spongebob sometimes.(Which does not deter me from letting the kids watch them) The Loud One likes to play "shooters," he doesn't even know they're called guns. I wondered where the shooter thing came from and realized Elmer Fudd shoots at Bugs in every episode, and Sylvester tries to eat Tweety, Tom tried to eat Jerry and Jerry beats the crap out of him. My kids loooove these! We like Dora and Diego and can speak a little Spanish, even Chinese from Kai Lan, but nothing compares to the beatdown of our cartoons.

(Keep in mind that Kitty really likes Charlie Brown) Kitty does not like me to sing her name in songs, so I do it all the time. I was in the bathroom on the potty and she poked her head in and said, "Stop sin-in' my name song or I'm a gonna slug you!" (I laughed and told her it's not nice when Lucy says it, so it's not nice for Kitty to say it) She then turned around and looked at me in the eye and said, "Ok, but if you sin my name song again, I'm a gonna slug you off the potty!" and left. I laughed harder (what a funny image) and missed my teaching moment because I couldn't stop laughing. Damn, I guess she told me.

He's 5? Really?

Seems like just yesterday that I found the stick with two pink lines and I started crying and didn't stop until my boyfriend of 6 months came home.

The Loud One turned 5 on the 28th. He is distancing from me, already? A couple of weeks before his birthday, he didn't want to go grocery shopping with me. Seriously, I can't go get the mail without him running for his shoes. So, Gracie and I went alone. Daddy couldn't come to the Chuck E Cheese party on the 27th so we stayed with cousin Sir-Breaks-A-Lot the night before as a sleepover. Now, we've done this Chuck E thing since they were 3, and I was dreading being Mommy alone with both of them. He didn't even want to be around me, it was him and Sir-Breaks-A-Lot all day. If I got near him, he tried to dart away as if my presence would ruin his big boy fun (except when he needed tokens). I have to admit, it was nice only dealing with one whiner at a time, but where was my boy? We were BFF, we have a handshake, a fist bump and we like to snuggle back to back.

The next day was his birthday and we were going to CiCi's (we really don't usually eat this much pizza) and he didn't even want me to go. He said he wanted to hang out with his Daddy and sister on his birthday. Poor Mommy, but I love a buffet so I went anyway. Haha, and I made Daddy take them to the arcade room. I know he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, but, wow. It was all so sudden, I had visions of him going to Kindergarten, graduating high school, moving to college and getting married.....

The next night he was up with a cold. Who did he want? Yep, Mommy. We snuggled in the chair with a blanket, a snack and our DVR. As he was about to fall asleep, he said, "Mommy, you make my life happy." I smiled, but in my head I said, "Oh, yeah? Then why couldn't I hang out with you at Chuck E Cheese? You didn't even want me to go to CiCi's, you should wake up your Daddy.....wait, haha, I'm back in! Triumph, Mommy!!!"

You make my life happy too, bud. :)

Take a road trip with your kids, I dare you!

So, it's been about a month since the kids and I roadtriped. It's taken me that long to get over the trauma of it all. (Just kidding, kind of)

My college suite mate is pregnant and needy and suggested we come up to keep her company. I laughed. Then, I thought, why not? We could stretch the trip out, just me and the kids (John would stay home, someone had to work, and as a bonus he could drink beer and play with his friends for a week). I started to form a plan, we could stop in Winston-Salem to spend the night with cousin Scarlett, spend a couple of nights with Dana and stay at a hotel on the way back. Perfect. I bought snacks, ice, juice, rounded up change for the vending machines and packed and repacked. I decided the yard sale funds would be our fun money (way over shot that budget, but we'll get to that). Then the storm rolled in, it blanketed my route with ice and snow, then did it all over again. Maybe it was a sign, I didn't take it. We left 2 days later.

Whoo-hoo! On the road, we took our Dramamine and the kids fell asleep before I hit the interstate. Cool. Overall, the kids were warriors, they wanted to keep going, just to get there. I was sick of eating at places with playlands, but happy for the outlet of screaming and running. We discovered the joy of velcro vegetables that could be 'cut' with a plastic knife, got Scarlett to play hooky from school and got to sled down a hill of melted and refrozen snow in W-S. Oh, and I locked my keys in the trunk. We made $112 from the yard sale and that locksmith cost me $45. Then we headed to VA. I found Dana's quickly on the cul-de-sac, there way a Georgia flag on the door. The Loud One jumped out of the car and ran right up to her like they were old friends. She gave them a snack (cheese, they love cheese, she was making fast friends), the Kitty does what she always does. Shoved her mouth too full, activated her overly sensitive gag reflex and puked on Dana's carpet. Did I mention we had just gotten there?

Dana had an upstairs, napkins made out of different colored shirts (cloth napkins), and dogs!!! However, there was not a TV in the bedroom. The Loud One expressed his frustration by looking at me and sighing, "I KNEW you should have brought your TV!!" We had hot dogs, cinnamon rolls and noodles. Perfect. We went to the museum, the aquarament (aquarium), out to dinner and on the last night, we went to a ho-en-tell (hotel--what a vacation really is.)

The next day, we didn't get too far, the kids were cranky so we stopped at The Carolina Premium Outlets to make ourselves feel better. We got a dinosaur puzzle, a cupcake bake set, some place mats you can practice drawing numbers and letters on, and some new pajamas, that more than took care of the $67 we had left. We never got back on the road, we just found a ho-en-tel that had an indoor pool and checked in. Later, Kitty lost her mind and I was afraid someone would call Child Protective Services because when she she's tired and opposed to sleeping, it gets ugly. (There's a video on my FB page if you don't believe me) I went in the bathroom and cried. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" is all I wanted to say. Then when I came out, The Loud One started crying and saying Kitty ruined his day. She stopped screaming and she was sad, she didn't wanna ruin his day (what about mine?!), so we talked about what a fun day we had, then we watched some Garfield and went to sleep.

We went to a huge discount store (complete with ashtrays at the end of the aisles). Got some more crap, and when I tried to give Kitty her Dramamine, she got mad and thew up. Good thing I have paper towels in my car!!! We stopped at McDonald's for lunch and running, and she threw up all over the lobby right as they were giving us the tray. I went to get napkins, she followed me and had her hand over her mouth, she puked again spewing it thru her fingers. The workers didn't care, so I wiped it up, and put a chair over it. Then Kitty was hungry so we washed our hands and I put her coat on over the pukey shirt and we sat down and ate and played on the outside playland. We went potty before we left and Kitty had pooped, then The Loud One didn't aim so well because he was looking at all the graffiti. I didn't bring a diaper in, wait, I didn't have any diapers. Crap. Aha! There was a swim diaper in the car, I cleaned her up, put on her pants and prayed she didn't pee on the way to the car. I then changed her in the parking lot for the second time that day--and it was only 1pm. We got diapers and back on the road again we went!!

We made it Augusta and stopped at Denny's, they slept most of the way, and apparently the Kitty peed the whole way. We sat down, ordered drinks and food, and as we were about to go to the potty, my leg was wet. It wasn't me. Kitty had sprung a leak. Dammit, I never changed her out of the swim diaper!!! I took her to the bathroom, I had a diaper, put I had to strip her, there was peep (what they call pee-pee) up her back down into her shoes. Her socks were soaked!! WTH happened? So, we got her clean, and I had to carry her out with only a coat and diaper on out to the car for her third wardrobe change. This was getting grosser as time went on. They were all wound up so we stayed at another hotel--I was also afraid of what would happen next. With good reason, she filled a diaper I d set outside the door. This is where The Loud One got the TV to the video game menu and as I came in with the ice, whispered to Kitty to push the orange button. Noooooooooo, I said in slow-mo. Too late, they had bought 60 minutes of video games. A 5 year old and a 2 year old, trying to play Mario Cart and Kirby with one controller.

We slept until 10:50am and rushed for check out. We eventually stopped at Cracker Barrel for brunch and thankfully, it was uneventful. We bought some more crap at the gift shop and then no one wanted to stop again until we got home. Home sweet home!! We got to see Nana and Daddy and tell them all about it. They were happy to be in their beds and so was I. The next day we slept in and as we were unpacking The Loud One wanted to help me pack.

"You mean, UN-pack, that's when you put your stuff away."
"No, I mean pack, let's get on the road again!"
"Really?" I asked incredulously, "Don't you like being home?"
"Yes, but I loved being with you and Kitty all day and all night and all day and all night."

Me too, (mostly), but it'll be a while...

Randomness...and it's only noon!

We passed a cemetery and The Loud One had to point it out. He's very concerned about death and always talks about dying...like his dream the other night was about robots farting in our noses and making us die, but anyway....we talked about the difference between headstones and graves. Soon we passed another cemetery and he was like, "Another graveyard? All these graves are freaking me out!!!"

The rule in our house is that if you poop or pee in a diaper (or your pants), you have to put it in the trash. The Kitty likes to test her limits, so she sometimes refuses. I then send her to her room and when she's ready to make the long trip thru the kitchen to the trash, she can come out. This can be an hour long process where she tried to weasel her way out of it. As she gave up today, she walked over and picked up the diaper, looked me in the eye and with her meanest face on, she said, "Ok, I'll throw it away, but don't even think about me throwing your poo-poo in the trash!!"

The kids are obsessed with boo-tays, poo-poo and farts. After lots of fart and boo-tay jokes, I told The Loud One that it wasn't funny ALL THE TIME. He thought for a minute, then said, "Then why do I laugh every time?" My only answer, "because you're a boy."

Ok, so I sold the hightray...

I really just wanted to get it out of here. We have so much crap, and this weekend was a bad time for a yard sale. We got rained out Friday, it was rainy and near freezing Saturday, and there were tiny flurries on Sunday. Hey, it was the most money I've made in 3 months, so it wasn't all bad.

I have play-doh in my pants, play-doh in my pants, oh yeah.....Eyeeeeee wanna wok n woll all niiiight, and pawty erery day....I have play-doh in my pants....wok n woll.....this is the battle of the bands going on at the kitchen table. The Loud One has play-doh in his pants, on his pants, on his shirt and a pile of it under his chair, damn ice cream station. It looked good in the box, then I realized it makes sprinkles, but you need the strength of 10 men to do it. Read: I can barely push the thing down and get it hooked so they can spin the wheel for 2 seconds and send play-doh flying around the kitchen. So, I say it's broken. There are a lot of broken things in my house, so many, that the kids don't even ask me to change batteries. They wait for Daddy to come home and do it. So, the Kitty wants to rock 'n roll all night and party everyday because it is on this kid's Halloween CD we have (and still listen to everyday, yes, I'm aware it is February). She really takes the anthem to heart, she was up until 2 am last night, and with a 20 minute power nap she made it until midnight. See, the problem was that her blanket was broken. This happens a lot, so I said we needed to get a new blanket because it keeps breaking. She stayed in bed.

Thank goodness for The Loud One's eagle eye sight and sense of direction, we would probably still be driving around Stockbridge looking for 'the baby store.' I put the address of 'Pon-e CHI' (Once Upon A Child) into my Tom Tom, but it was tucked back in a strip and we had to go searching. He spotted it and informed I was going the wrong way, like I always do. He's the Looker Man, and the smartest kid in the block, he says. (I agree)

The Kitty will now let me put her hair in 2 ponytails, it used to be off limits and when I would ask if she wanted ponytails her answer would be, "I'll cry." However, they must stick out in Pippy Longstocking fashion, straight out so when she shakes her head (as kitties often do) she can hit herself in the face with them and giggle.

I love my life and I love that we are strange (I only realize it after I get a look or think, huh, that was weird). I give no second thought about talking or singing with my kids in public and today I called across the store to "Mr. Goose," as I often call The Loud One, and he came running. The Kitty is very shy but loves to follow her brother, so she followed him to the play spot, but then freaked and starting crying and running back to me (the store is small) when I picked her up and wiped her tears, she smiled and said, "Meow." I smiled and meowed back, as I stood next to a lady and searched thru the rack of girl's 24 months.

I will not sell the hightray....

My kids call the highchair the hightray, I don't know why, but I don't correct them because I think it's cute. I told John we will not sell it in the yardsale, but then I recanted. There are no more babies in my house and oddly, I am sad. The Kitty is potty training, and The Loud One will be 5, but he looks like he's 7, so no one wants the hightray but me. We'll see.

I guess The Loud One gets it from me, but we had an early yard sale shopper--a weirdo from Cragislist that had to work all weekend, and she was looking at a remote controlled motorcycle I got him for his 2nd birthday. It's been in the garage for over a year and a half and he's suddenly in love again. The lady said, "I like your motorcyle," to which he responded, "It costs $100!!!" Maybe that's what I'll say about the hightray.

So here we go....

After some gentle nudging from my friends on Facebook (thanks, Amanda, Stacey) , this blog is beginning.

My status updates are usually crazy things that the kids say or do--they just crack me up. The Loud One will be 5 soon, and as he puts it, "he's very curious." He freaks at the sight of blood because he is convinced he will bleed to death, hates water in his eyes (he wears a bucket over his head in the shower (his "shower helmet" invention), can work youtube by himself, loves everything dinosaurs and prefers to be read reference books. The Kitty just turned 2 and hates anything associated with sleep. She will eat almost anything, broccoli, salami, onions, blueberries, supreme pizzas and she has a severe addiciton to candy--once she understood the concept of Halloween and the free candy, it's all she thinks about. I think she began talking as soon as she was born, and one of her first sentences was, "I don't want to."

So, between the two of them, I have plenty of things to talk about!!! And this way, I don't have to worry if I am boring someone by incessantly talking about how funny my kids are, you don't have to read it. Although, my kids are the funniest, so I don't know who would be bored, maybe some kid hater, I guess.

It is "rest time" now, calling it "nap time" evokes a lot of nastiness I don't want to deal with. Sometimes, they fall asleep, sometimes not, but I get a chance to watch Criminal Minds or The Bachelor or Tough Love or the other 200 shows that fill my DVR. As I type this The Loud One and The Kitty have been taking turns coming in to tattle/inform me his feet are sweaty, he is out of bed, she's eating popcorn off the floor, she bumped her ankle on the bed and needs me to kiss it, his pants pockets are unbuttoned....so much for rest time, and my poor DVR--it just may explode.