Why I Will Keep Making my Kid's Childhood Magical (STFU HuffPost)

We've all seen the HuffPost post about how the Mom doesn't want to do Elf on the Shelf or the Leprechaun traps. I've seen a lot of people share it, often with the comment, "Yeah!! Enough, already!!" To you, I say, calm the F*&$k down. I know of some holiday Scrooges (and I love you dearly) and I would not dream of criticizing anyone's parenting style. But, no one at Huff asked me why my I like to make a big deal out of holidays some deem meaningless, they just seemed pissed.

I grew up poor. Like, sub poverty, poor. One Halloween, we had Macaroni Salad for dinner and I hoped we got chips and/or apples for Trick-or-Treat. We didn't have central heat or air, so it was a kerosene heater in the winter and a window unit a/c in the summer in the dining room with a sheet hanging in the hallway to keep the air in the living room. When I was little, I didn't know. When I was 12, I realized that my Mom had to work 2, sometimes 3, jobs and I knew it was bad. Just for some perspective, our rent was $400 a month and my Mom got evicted after 12 years--when I was in May term at Wesleyan.

I tell you that to tell you this. Holidays were awesome! Ever heard of Sweetest Day? We got stuffed animals and candy. Have you ever gotten a pair of shorts stuffed with Easter candy? How about Christmas stockings? Those were my favorite. We usually got a magazine and really cool little things that were specific to us. To this day, stockings are my favorite, I love filling them. In our house, Santa usually gets too much stuff and he needs to spread it out by the fireplace. We got sparklers on the Fourth of July, special Birthday Dinners, asparagus on Thanksgiving, sparkling cider on New Year's, candy on Valentine's. It's something to look forward to, it's something to get excited about. It wasn't about the stuff, it was the gesture. A $1 Whitman's heart shaped box of candy was so amazing to me and it is to my kids. It means someone was thinking of you, and it's about gratitude. We didn't do anything for St. Patrick's Day until the Kindy project Jake had when he built a Leprechaun trap. It's like a second April Fool's Day! Yeah, we do that too.

If you don't want to celebrate the holiday, don't. But don't blame me because I do. Be brave enough to tell your kid that you don't believe in Leprechauns or Santa or that you don't think Valentine's Day is a valid reason for candy. It's ok.

Jake just turned 9. His childhood is half over--holy shit! Wow, that's hard to write.



Gracie is 6, hers is a third over. Dammit!



I wanna keep them little forever. Why wouldn't I want to make their childhood magical?



STFU up, HuffPost.

It's so hard, to say goodbye to 2013....

I know it's been forever since I posted...and I know 2013 has been gone for a couple of weeks, but it's hard to say goodbye to what I call The Year of Shayna. (Cue the music)

I had a big year and I learned a lot about myself. I'm 36. Sad? A little. Better late than never, right? Anyone who is my FB friend knows I'm a runner. Yep, I used to say, "I'm not a real runner, but I'm working on it." I'm a runner. I may be slow and my legs may have noooo muscle memory, but I run.

PSA announcement: My weight doesn't define me and I don't have a traumatic event like The Biggest Loser contestants that caused me to gain weight. Unless you count my pregnancy with The Loud One, where if I got too hungry I would vomit. I think he just REALLY liked tacos. So, that was 50 lbs gained and after my emergency C-section, 0 lbs lost. Then there was the almost perfect pregnancy with Kitty where I gained my 30 lbs and then lost 0 after a second C-section.

What I learned about me in 2013:

1. I'm stronger than I thought.
I've never really worked out. Getting kicked out of Tae-Bo class with Dana Karstensen-Bryan for play fighting and occasional runs with Mary-Lynn Truelove are the extent of it. Oh, and there's the step class I took at Wesleyan...I did run those days because it was a night class and I had to run back to my room after it was over to catch "Dawson's Creek." I've never thought I was strong. When I saw our New Year's picture for 2012/2013, I couldn't believe it. It was our mustache pic and I posted it and didn't see anything wrong--I may have imbibed a bit. When I saw the pic the next day---I felt like crying. Was that me?

I started walking. In February, I tripped and fell on the sidewalk and I couldn't stop it or catch myself (It was probably pretty funny for whoever saw me). I skinned both of my palms and my chin and I'm pretty sure I cracked my kneecap. Really? I couldn't even catch myself? A mile was hard. A mile hurt. Walking. Wow. I've said I wanted to do a 5k for a while, but I didn't really do anything about it. I followed the Tripp Halstead story and my heart went out to him and his family, especially Stacy, his Mom. When a 5k was planned for him, I used that as my motivation. I used the RunDouble Couch to 5k app...the first day was run 60 seconds and walk 90 seconds for 20 minutes. I couldn't run all the runs. And it pissed me off. So I did it until I could. It hurt and it was terrible, but I wanted it so bad. I ran a little circle in my backyard because I was too insecure to run anywhere else. This Monday, I ran 3.5 miles. :)


2. I AM a good Mom.
Ok, so I kinda always knew this. I love them more than anything and I used to feel like taking time to do something other than be with them was awful. Somehow, in 2013, I thought the idea to take time for myself was a good idea. I valued my run/walk time and I was more present with my kids. It really is true, you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. Running has given me patience...I think our entire household is thankful for that!

3. I don't always have to win...and who cares if I'm last?
I want to win. If I don't think I will, I won't try or I'll give up. I still struggle with this, I can easily talk myself out of a good run...how do I convince myself? That's work for 2014. My goal for my first 5k was not to be last. I was so nervous...but why? Because I was running in public. People would see me walk, and at that point, I couldn't run the full 3 miles. And it was AMAZING!! Even if I was last, I would have been elated!! There's something about being in a group and finishing what was a struggle for you that makes you feel like you're THE SHIT!

4. I can inspire people. (Seriously)
Everyone at work knows I walk at lunch. Several people have said things like, "I just can't walk at lunch and feel musty all day." BTW, it's not 1992, who says "musty" anymore? But I have had several people tell me about their walking or gym workouts. I have lost 44lbs in 2013. I no longer look pregnant, and you can even see my collarbone a little bit...so it's noticeable. I have had a few FB friends tell me they wanted to walk (or workout) because they see my endless RunKeeper posts. I draw inspiration from blogs like RunSaltRun, Runner Unleashed and From Fat to Fit Chick and I'm happy if my posts stir something in you. Amanda Avery Cooper, Amy Stone, Jywanya Dillinger, Laura-Lee McCranie, Tracie Wilson, Robby Jennings (my bro has lost 50lbs!!)Jennifer Dunson Matson, Danielle Fleming Fanning, Erin Bennett and Carrie Walker (my 2x 5k partner) have all inspired and encouraged me. I have quite a few people at work (which if you follow my FB posts are usually the most unhappy people in the world) tell me about their walking or gym workouts. I feel honored when people I hardly know tell me about their workout accomplishments, even if they are trying beat me. One lady told me she was, "up to 4 miles a day, more than you do..." and I wasn't even mad. It is more than me, but she has a journey to go on and she'll learn soon enough that comparing yourself to others is counter productive.  One of my proudest moments was when my kids wanted to run with me in my last 5k. They were so excited to have their own race (1mi Fun Run). I'm signing up for my 3rd 5k and they want to do the Fun Run too. John is amazing to go with us and wait....he's not a good waiter, but he does because it's important to me.

5. Leave it on the course
Do I need therapy? Probably. I'm a Nervous Nelly and a Worry Wart. I've chewed my nails to the quick my whole life....except one day I looked down and I had grown fingernails. Really, a small white line was something to be chewed off and STAT. But running allows my mind to roam...and I guess I work out my problems on the course. My nails are great! Although, my home manis leave something to be desired since I have no frame of reference for my first 35 years.

6. Revenge is a hell of a show, but I don't want to pay Hulu Plus for Season 3.
What? It's not all about running! Sometimes, it's about "Neckflicks" as we call it. Thankfully, Murder She Wrote is back to fill my void...but what happens to Nolan????

Will running change your life? I'd say yes, but the point is to find what will. Life is great and I love my little family more than anything! Here's to 2014!!

This is this kids 1st Run and Carrie's and my 2nd 5k....we're on for our third 5k in February!!

I'm sorry for the RunKeeper posts, but I need it. Help a sister out!

How a 4 & 7 year old explain the CFA debate

Ok, so I don't want to reopen the CFA debate...but this my stance. (Really, if you eat there, I don't judge you, it's about what you feel is right. But I feel it's important you understand that this isn't about Freedom of Speech. You can say whatever you want, but Cathy has put his money where his mouth is, and I can't support that. I went to Wesleyan College, for God's sake.)

First, let me tell you that we are frequent Publix visitors (esp when I wasn't working did some crazy couponing) and there is a Chick-Fil-A in the parking lot of said Publix. So, it was pretty common that we would shop and then go to CFA for some nuggets and/or a shake. When I went back to work, this wasn't so common, but it still happened often.

When I first saw the news of their contributions, I was like, "Is this real? Are they actively contributing to agencies that are actively fighting against gay rights or are they contributing to agencies that may also oppose gay rights?" Like the whole, "stop funding to Planned Parenthood because they do abortions (as a very small segment of what they do)!" Seriously, I hoped it wasn't true, I sincerely love CFA nuggets and polynesian sauce. It was true.

We no longer go to CFA. One day, the kids were asking why we didn't go anymore, demanding, really. So I explained to them in the easiest way I could. They responded, "Ok." and we never talked about it again.

Tonight, I got a phone call from my Mother-in-law. She told me how the kids were so wonderful on their recent visit (Fall Break), and how grown up and mature they are...ok...then she asked if Gracie told me about how she explained the Chick-Fil-A matter to her? I was immediately proud..."No, what did she say?" After her Grandma ordered chicken nuggets (from the Aquar-a-ment) Gracie, my 4 year old, told her:

Sometimes boys want to marry boys and girls want to marry girls, and Chick-Fil- A spends their money to try to stop them from getting married.

When Grandpa and Jake returned from the restroom, she asked Gracie to repeat it to Grandpa. Then Jake, my 7 year old, added:

Yeah, why do they care? Who cares? It doesn't matter to me, and it's none of
their beeswax.


Could I be more proud?? I don't think so...it's about compassion. I want my kids to grow up with compassion and a sense of freedom.

If it's none of your beeswax, don't spend your money to stop someone from doing it. From the mouths of babes...

Am I supposed to hate my kids? I don't, and here's why..

So, The Loud One had fall break this week. Yay! Kitty and I missed him...we were excited. We colored, played games, took naps, watched our favorite shows (Martha Speaks, Word Girl, Ruff with Ruff Ruffman, etc obviously, we love PBS) played spray hunt (kinda like Hide N Seek/Tag with spray bottles), and went shopping at Publix during sample time (our favorite time of day). Friday was Grandparent's Day Lunch and they could be signed out early by said Grandparent. He said he wanted to stay to go to PE for his 'activity' but if I know my kid, he'll change his mind, and he did. Early day!!! We took and nap and then he didn't want to go to Parent's Night Out, a movie night at the school....what a sweet boy.

In the week leading up to Fall Break, several parents I've talked with, didn't seem happy about the break. Stay at home Moms, single Moms, working Moms, PTSO Moms....they all were like, "So, Fall Break, how great, right?" I answered everyone in the same way, "Yeah, we're excited!" And they looked at me like I was crazy. Was I supposed to act like it was a huge burden to have my baby home for a whole week? Is it an unwritten code that I have to pretend to hate having him home? Now that he's in school, I'm supposed to be annoyed that he is home? I call Bullshit. In the age of Helicopter parents, why do we act like we hate having them around? I have no idea, but here is why I love hanging out with The Loud One and Kitty:

1) I love them more than anything. Period.
2) They are hilarious...Kitty walking out with undies around her ankles because there was no TP in my bathroom; The Loud One laughing at 'America's Funniest Home Videos' until juice comes out his nose.
3) They are the sweetest, Kitty said she missed her Great-Grandma, and The Loud One said she could always see her in her heart, because she's there with God and Jesus.
4) Soooo smart. The Loud One can find the Atlantic and Specific Oceans on a globe and Kitty knows Austrailia. The Loud One wants a shark dictionary from his book fair. We read a lot of reference books.
5) We love to sing and dance. I do not have an ear for music, I'm tone def and do not understand how to read music, I don't get it (just ask Amanda Avery Cooper). But they don't care, we sing about cleaning the bathroom or sing stories or dance to Sean Kingston's 'Fire Burning.' Kitchen dancing rocks.

I'm a huge sap. I don't try to hide it, I do my best to enjoy every moment I have with them....I know that soon enough they won't want to cook dinner or clean the mirror or dance or crawl into bed with me. They will grow up one day, and I just hope they know I loved every minute...even the school breaks.

The Magic School Bus

We've been waiting for this for 3 years...riding the school bus!!!! Now The Loud One gets to ride one. Like a good Mommy, I've been secretly nursing a heartache while being so excited about school.

You see, The Loud One gets homesick and although he loves to stay with cousin Sir-Breaks-A-Lot, he sometimes gets sad and wants to come home. We tried preschool when he was 3 and he went 3 days a week for 6 weeks, he cried everyday at drop off and pick up. I couldn't even take him, I made Daddy do it. It never got any better, so we took him out and he was ecstatic.

Fast forward 2 years and he still gets homesick, but he's excited about school. He's a sweet, sensitive boy and I don't want anyone to hurt his feelings, EVER. I want to be there to show everyone how great he is and help him and make friends. I want to help get him settled and make sure he listens and can open his Go-gurt. You see, I'm a helicopter parent on the inside, but try to keep it under wraps. I love him, but I know he needs to be his own person, and I think that's why he's so awesome. And he wants to ride the bus. Please, don't let him cry, don't let him see me cry, this is my daily mantra.

The first day of school sneaks up on me and The Loud One couldn't be happier! I got teary eyed when I watched him button his own shorts. He looked and me and asked, "What?!" I totally understand why our parents continue to treat us like children, it's hard to imagine they can be self sufficient. One minute they need you to put on their shoes and the next they're about to get on a giant school bus alone. We got to the bus stop super early and we met some new friends. So far, so good. Then the bus came...please don't let him cry, please don't cry yet, wait until the bus leaves...he ran for his backpack and straight for the bus!! No hug, no good-bye and he didn't even look back.

My little boy had the confidence of a big kid. All my fears disappeared. Oh, I still cried. I gave Kitty a piggy back ride and walked slightly in front of Daddy so they didn't see and I cried the entire .2 miles home. I cried because I missed him, I missed the baby and I was proud of the big boy he was.

After waiting impatiently for hours for the bus to get back, he got off and looked mad. Uh-oh. Please don't let him cry, please don't let me cry...

"How was you day?!" we all asked excitedly
"Well, it wasn't very exciting."
"Why not?"
"I just wish I could go back."
"You can tomorrow, Bubba-loo."
"Oh!" he said excitedly, "I just thought it was for today!"

He wants to go back! I've done my job, I just wish it would all slow down. I still have Kitty, but she's potty trained and going on 13. I no longer have babies...oh, wait, they're fighting over who gets to drive the pretend train made of books. I still have time.

I'm gonna slug you!

I love TV. Seriously. My DVR subscription and I have been together since December of 2004 and we are still blissfully in love. (Except that Charter's service pales in comparison to Cox, but I still love it). I know I'm supposed to keep my kids away from the evilness that is TV, kids that watch TV are obese, have brain rot, have developmental delays, social delays, aren't very smart, have short attention spans, I could go on. I grew up watching TV and playing outside. So do my kids. I am not a Mom that declares TV off limits, and sometimes, they probably watch too much TV. But I'm not a hypocrite. I know lots of Moms that say their kids only watch TV for an hour or so a day. Then how in the world do they know every character on Nick Jr, Noggin or Cartoon Network? (Side note, I've known kids that couldn't watch TV or eat sugar or play like kids and they were odd deprived kids) Be the best Mom you can be, but be real. Sometimes I forget to brush the kid's teeth, they drink too much juice and probably eat too much candy, we talk about ghosts and shoot each other and fall down dead, they play in the mud and splash in puddles in the rain, we jump off the couch onto pillow piles, and I let my kids play in the backyard by themselves (I do hover near the window). Gasp! How terrible am I? We also eat lots of fruits, veggies and milk, floss our teeth, play school and do workbooks (Gracie too), watch documentaries, go to the park, ride bikes, talk about heaven and God and Jesus and death, if any of that makes me a bad Mom, then so be it, but my kids are awesome! (As I type this, The Loud One comes in to ask if they can have some almonds for a snack) Now that I'm off my soapbox...

It didn't really occur to me that cartoons were violent, I mean I watched them as a kid, but I didn't get that takeaway so I assumed Bugs Bunny, The Peanuts and Pink Panther were fine. Much better than the grossness of ones I see today like Chowder or even Spongebob sometimes.(Which does not deter me from letting the kids watch them) The Loud One likes to play "shooters," he doesn't even know they're called guns. I wondered where the shooter thing came from and realized Elmer Fudd shoots at Bugs in every episode, and Sylvester tries to eat Tweety, Tom tried to eat Jerry and Jerry beats the crap out of him. My kids loooove these! We like Dora and Diego and can speak a little Spanish, even Chinese from Kai Lan, but nothing compares to the beatdown of our cartoons.

(Keep in mind that Kitty really likes Charlie Brown) Kitty does not like me to sing her name in songs, so I do it all the time. I was in the bathroom on the potty and she poked her head in and said, "Stop sin-in' my name song or I'm a gonna slug you!" (I laughed and told her it's not nice when Lucy says it, so it's not nice for Kitty to say it) She then turned around and looked at me in the eye and said, "Ok, but if you sin my name song again, I'm a gonna slug you off the potty!" and left. I laughed harder (what a funny image) and missed my teaching moment because I couldn't stop laughing. Damn, I guess she told me.

He's 5? Really?

Seems like just yesterday that I found the stick with two pink lines and I started crying and didn't stop until my boyfriend of 6 months came home.

The Loud One turned 5 on the 28th. He is distancing from me, already? A couple of weeks before his birthday, he didn't want to go grocery shopping with me. Seriously, I can't go get the mail without him running for his shoes. So, Gracie and I went alone. Daddy couldn't come to the Chuck E Cheese party on the 27th so we stayed with cousin Sir-Breaks-A-Lot the night before as a sleepover. Now, we've done this Chuck E thing since they were 3, and I was dreading being Mommy alone with both of them. He didn't even want to be around me, it was him and Sir-Breaks-A-Lot all day. If I got near him, he tried to dart away as if my presence would ruin his big boy fun (except when he needed tokens). I have to admit, it was nice only dealing with one whiner at a time, but where was my boy? We were BFF, we have a handshake, a fist bump and we like to snuggle back to back.

The next day was his birthday and we were going to CiCi's (we really don't usually eat this much pizza) and he didn't even want me to go. He said he wanted to hang out with his Daddy and sister on his birthday. Poor Mommy, but I love a buffet so I went anyway. Haha, and I made Daddy take them to the arcade room. I know he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, but, wow. It was all so sudden, I had visions of him going to Kindergarten, graduating high school, moving to college and getting married.....

The next night he was up with a cold. Who did he want? Yep, Mommy. We snuggled in the chair with a blanket, a snack and our DVR. As he was about to fall asleep, he said, "Mommy, you make my life happy." I smiled, but in my head I said, "Oh, yeah? Then why couldn't I hang out with you at Chuck E Cheese? You didn't even want me to go to CiCi's, you should wake up your Daddy.....wait, haha, I'm back in! Triumph, Mommy!!!"

You make my life happy too, bud. :)